I Prefer
by mayajane
Summary: Hermione had been in love with her best friend Draco Malfoy for year when they became partners at St. Mungos. A shocking revelation makes it clear to her that he will never be hers.Rated T for language.
1. I Prefer

I prefer- oneshot

"Harry I cant let you see those files! I cant believe you would even ask!" Harry knew I couldn't help him with…whatever he wanted help with. I could lose my job!

"Mione! I have to know alright. I just…_have_ to." Harry's voice trembled slightly before he took a deep shaky breath.

"Harry, I've been meaning to ask you…..are the rumors true? I thought you might be…but I wasn't sure."

I didn't want offend him. I wanted to be there for Harry like any good friend should be. He raised his eyes to mine and stared at me wordlessly.

"Yes, they're true." He said firmly without a trace of fear, but I knew he was afraid I would reject him. I didn't understand it, but Harry was my best friend and I loved him. Every part of him.

"Harry, it's alright, I'm fine with it really, but I still cant help you."

Harry frowned, probably trying to find a way to convince me to help him. I didn't understand why he wanted files on the Malfoy. I mean sure, Draco and I are partners at St. Mungos, but Harry knew I couldn't give him Draco's personal files.

"Hermione, I need them." Harry said desperately.

"Why!" I cried, throwing my hands up sharply. What could he possibly want with them?

"It's a long story Hermione, but I cant get the truth out of him and his medical record will have it!" Harry ranted and the blood left my face. That's what he was going on about!

"Harry James Potter! He'll tell you when he is good and ready. I'm definitely not helping now. If I find out you were anywhere near the filing department, I'll being have a very unpleasant conversation with you."

Harry gulped and looked at me with what could only be fear.

"He told you and not me?" he asked finally, looking more hurt now. I didn't know he was friends with Draco on such a deep level.

"I had to review his medical records in order to hire him. I gave him my word to never speak of it. I intend to keep it too. Goodbye, Harry."

I shoved him out the door and leaned against the back of it. Harry just needed to trust Draco or else their friendship would end badly.

I was just sitting in my office minding my own business when Draco stormed in, seething. I couldn't even understand what he was yelling about.

"Draco calm down!" I pleaded but he ignored me completely. People were standing in the doorway listening to every word so I slammed the door and then locked it. A silencing charm seemed like a good idea too.

Draco seemed to calm slightly and was breathing heavily. He looked like a broken angle really. It was a joke between us. He was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen so I continually teased him about it and his girlfriends that I never get to meet. I guess I'm sort of in love with him, but I know he doesn't see me that way, at all. So I live happily with our strange, but refreshing friendship.

"What's wrong?" I asked at last when he sat in my chair.

He ran his hands threw his shaggy hair and looked up at me with sad eyes.

"I really don't want to tell you this Hermione."

My defenses went up immediately. He only called me Hermione when he was deadly serious. I waited silently for him to gather words.

"I know that you have feelings for me…..and I wish I could return them, but you see….I'm …..seeing someone."

It felt like he'd physically hit my with a hammer in the chest. The only sound in the room was my pain filled gasp.

I thought I'd hide it so well. This was going to ruin everything. I masked my face and waited for him to say something else.

"Hermione please don't think I wanted to toy with you, I just….this is going to sound bad….I prefer….." He trailed off embarrassedly and it all clicked in my head.

I was filled with an intense anger that I'm sure he saw. Harry I figured out because I knew him so well and my feeling for Draco clouded my perception of the now very painfully obvious.

"Get out." I said coldly, and he blinked twice before getting angry himself.

"Oh so you can except Harry the way he is but not-"

"I wasn't in love with Harry, Draco, now get out of my office." I screamed, just barely stopping my tears from overflowing. How dare he waltz in here and just throw this at me. It was humiliating and hurtful. He knew I had feelings for him and he just…..

"What did you say?" He asked blankly, and his hands fell to his sides in shock. I wanted to bang my head into the wall. Why wouldn't he leave? Hadn't he done enough?

"If you don't go I'll call for someone to make you."

"Hermione, please, I had no idea that you….oh Merlin I'm so sorry." He really did look sorry, but my heart hurt too much to let that count.

"If you sorry you'll just leave me alone and never speak to me again. I don't ever want to see you face again. Go live happily ever after."

He looked hurt and disappointed but didn't leave like I'd hoped he would.

"You told Harry what my father did to me." He said boldly.

That was the last straw. He came in and broke my heart and then had to accuse me of betraying him too? I know he isn't an evil bastard any more, but that was hard proof against it. I burst into tears and started sobbing in my hands.

I heard his shocked gasped and he tried to comfort me like he used too, but I wouldn't have any of it.

"No! you cant just come and here and hurt me like this and then falsely accuse me of betraying you! Harry came to me because he knew I had access to the medical filed of our sexual abuse. He was upset you wouldn't tell him! I should have guess it then. I didn't tell him a damn thing and I want you out of my office now!" I was about ready to just push him out the door. I didn't want to touch him though. I wanted him to disappear and never come near me. I don't think I anticipated how strong my feelings were for him. They were shocking consuming and every time I looked at his face I just wanted to cry. I guess I hoped that one day he would fall in love with me, but now I knew it was impossible.

Draco looked torn, but saw no other option but to leave. I wasn't in my right mind when I grabbed a nearby vase and hurled it at the wall beside his head just as he opened the door.

He spun around to glare at me, but my expression was murderous.

"Get the _fuck _out of my life." I said coldly and pushed him out the door. I heard gossiping through the door, but I didn't care. All I knew was that I was hurting and it was his fault. It was his fault and Harry's fault for being gay and being in a relationship, it was his fault that I fell in love with him and it was his fault that I could never have a chance.

I slide down the door and continued to sob in my hands. I really hated men. I really did.

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A/N: Reviews are loved and bring smiles! Let me know what you think!


	2. Lies

Part 2 - Lies

I didn't come out of my office for the rest of the day. I didn't want to run into anyone, obviously. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't. Why did he love Harry and not me? I was lovable right?

I was lying to myself of course. I wouldn't be in this mess if I was lovable. No I didn't make him gay, but I sure didn't make him straight either. I couldn't see myself being happy with anyone but him. I could still hear his voice saying, _' I prefer…' _he hadn't ever finished the sentence but I could guess he would have said, men.

"Mione let me in or I'll blast the door down."

Great it was Harry. I didn't moved from in front of the door. My whole body still felt numb and cold from my realization earlier. 4 years. That's how long I'd been in love with Draco. I closed my eyes and wished I could stop crying. I really hadn't expected it to hurt so damn much.

"Mione! On the count of three, Draco." I heard him mutter when I didn't answer the door. I panicked when I heard Draco's loud agreement. I shouldn't be in front of the door when they blasted it open. I stood up quickly and grabbed the floo powder off the desk. I had to get out of here, now.

The floo went directly to my flat and if I was quick I could apparate to my parents. I shouted my address so they would here where I was going. No one could apparate inside the building so they would have to use their own floo to get to my flat. I coughed against the dust and grabbed my wand that I'd left home today. It was probably good that I had too, or I might have killed him.

I ran out the door and down the steps. There was the main glass door that led to all the flats, but I froze when I came to it. Draco and Harry were standing there looking angry. I looked around frantically, but I knew I shouldn't apparate inside a muggle building. The electricity could cause me to splinch, but they were opening the door.

So I apparated anyway. It was too painful to lose two fingernails in the process. I ended up, not at my parents house, but in the middle of the woods. I didn't know if I was on the same continent or not. This wasn't good. My hand had blood trickling out of my fingers where I'd splinched. Really I was lucky I didn't lose my hand. I healed it and my nails reappeared and the blood flow stopped. The green vegetation was so brightly colored that I thought I wasn't in London anymore. I might even be in Africa or something. I swore the was a Venus fly trap almost as tall as I was a few yards ahead of me. Either way I needed to apparate back to my parents.

I splinched all on my own this time. It really did hurt to lose a toe. It was my fault for not concentrating hard enough. The bugs and everything might have bothered me, but I shouldn't have lost my head over it.

My parents were traumatized, naturally. I knew a spell to make my toe grow back, but my head was spinning from the loss of blood. I clutched my wand tightly hoping I could concentrate enough to heal it and stop the pain. I sighed in relief when it worked.

"Hermione, what happened?"

"Nothing, mom, I just splinched myself. I'm fine now." I promised my mother who looked seconds away from fainting.

"She's in here boys!" My mother called and patted my head. It took my too long to realize what she was even talking about. Harry and Draco burst into the room and only saw the huge blood stain on the floor and over my foot. I was too tired to try and apparate again, so I just laid there and ignored them both. Harry left and Draco came and sat next to me.

"We've had a misunderstanding Hermione. I believe you think I'm gay."

I snorted, but otherwise remained silent.

"I'm not. When I said I prefer ..I meant I prefer older women not men. I only used Harry as an example because he is gay and you excepted that and I didn't understand why you wouldn't except me the way I am. Harry and I were fighting because he told me something personal and I was about to tell him what my father did to me, but I chickened out. He thought I was only holding out because I was ashamed so he went to ask you and you said…no. I'm sorry I didn't believe you. Hermione, please look at me. I'm _sorry _I hurt you."

"Are you done now?" I asked hoarsely. My whole body throbbed painfully. I didn't care any more.

"Yes, I am." He huffed suddenly.

"Then leave." I pleaded finally looking at him. He was just too beautiful to be real. His gray eyes were cloudy and his feature were softened enough to make him look like an angel.

"Not until you tell me were still friends."

I gaped at him. Surely he knew that no matter what we would be friends. I just needed to get over this…infatuation.

"We will always be friends. Always." I promised firmly. He looked shocked and unsure.

"Do you think I'm lying?" I asked incredulously.

"Well you're still mad." He said softly.

"Because I'm hurting and when I get over it we'll be fine. I swear it."

"You really meant it didn't you. Why didn't you ever say anything?" He asked.

"I don't want to talk about it, Draco." I whispered quietly. I really wanted to be left alone.

"I want to. I didn't think your feelings were real. I thought you were settling after…well _him._"

"You better not be doing what I think your doing, Draco. I mean it. You don't have to pretend to have feelings for me. I'll be just fine." I said with a false smile.

He looked troubled but rolled his eyes at my statement. "Sure you're fine. I'm not pretending either, I just…..I'm not good with words. You know that."

I _did_ know that, but I wasn't going to let him lie to make me feel better.

"Draco, please. I'll see you at work tomorrow." I sat up to see him out but when I opened the door and he closed it. I sighed deeply and thought about screaming for Harry.

I looked over at him, but he was closer than I expected and wore an expression I'd never seen before. He arms wound around my waist and my chest was pressed against his. I could barely breathe. I wanted to scream at him for hurting me and tell him he didn't get a second chance.

"I thought you _preferred _older women, Draco." I snapped breathlessly. He smirked slightly.

"I lied." and then he kissed me.

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A/N: Reviews please!


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